I spent some time a few weekends ago with a friend who's considering a divorce and has children to think about. The weekend after, I spent with someone who will probably marry because honour dictates it. And later, when I thought about it, felt very, very scared.
I wonder if I will meet myself, parked at the end of either one of those roads, a few green signals later.
Tis strange, really, where the road can take you, when one is merely attempting to walk along. At eighteen I thought, by twenty-five, I would be ensconced in a committed relationship, or at least be approaching one. And someday in the future, I'd be heading down the aisle. Curiously, it does not bother me that I am not even close. I cannot see myself married in real time - oh dear Christ, no! But... I still wonder if I will indeed get married someday.
I should qualify this strain of thought. This is neither some querulous, feminine dichotomy - agonizing about dying an old maid AND yet not caring about being the "better half of a whole." Nor is it the statement of anything radically new. I am simply wondering aloud - will I start down this well-trodden path as well?
Now, does this mean some part of me truly does want the "stability" marriage can bring? Or is this just objective speculation I am indulging in. And to make things a little interesting, am I way off the ball here? Am I just pandering to a thought process that is unnecessary, ergo a waste?
Apart from my usual strangeness, is this wierd?
6 comments:
u have echoed my sentiments exactly...
do chk my blog sometime..probably there u will find some answers! ;)
Nicely written - must say that! But about marriage....take it from me and Mom's advice - Achieve everything that you can and want and then get into it.
Don't ever "think" about marriage. Don't ever want to be married! That's as useful as pondering about what kind of sheets your ass is going to be on the minute you die.
Female dichotomy....kind of. Let go of the archaic female caregiver feelings.
Peace! Love! Besalamat!
Honour dictates marriage??? huh????
Weird folks.
"I wonder if I will meet myself, parked at the end of either one of those roads, a few green signals later."
If you give in to pressures of parents/society - you will.
If you get married without really thinking things over - you will
If you do not resolve issues with your spouse properly - you will
If you and your spouse just aren't compatible - you will
"Am I just pandering to a thought process that is unnecessary, ergo a waste?" - Yes, but it's fun. Not every thought process is geared towards a finite or tangible result. Sometimes we just sit back n think "what if" or "will i".
"Apart from my usual strangeness, is this wierd?" - No, but the love seems to have fallen into shadow lately :D
there are so many similarities between your situation and mine that i am wondering if i have a split personality i am not aware of ..
may i ask what/who you write for? glad to make your acquaintance, however brief and however virtual.
Sprechen: I write, for the most part of the day, utter and unmitigated champions! But here, I write for myself. Am glad to make your acquaintance as well, which as a matter of interest, may not be either merely virtual or brief! :)!
We'll meet sooner or later, being bound as we are by His Majesty, The King of Technicalities - a.k.a SB!
Impromptu poem...
And Ode to a Technicality
high above on razor wire
where my behind would be strung
Shall I hide or shall I confess
or better, shall I just run?
but through the guilt revelation came
and not a moment too soon
For as minute and obscure as it may be
tis as true as the bright full moon
thou shalt not pronounce me guilty
for the point is proven
Point though small is always a point
despite the bull interwoven
... to be continued
-SB
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