“I must, Charlie.”
Lizzie gathered up the baggage and one potted plant that were the last five years. Life must now be elsewhere.
In mere minutes, she left, ignoring the pleas and tears of both their hearts that were strangling her resolve.
Leaning against the door, Lizzie whispered, “Goodbye, Charlotte, my love.”
****
This tag first began with Words Worth, who I believe, was merely getting back at me for a tag I passed on to her. The same meme was then passed onto me by Geetanjali yesterday. This seemed to me a reminder of my shameful dereliction of duty and so I sat down and tried my hand at a story in 55 words.
Before that, I'd like you to know that for a woman whose friends call her Wax, this was not an easy task. Sweet Christ, my introduction to this tag is now 93 words and counting!
However, I'd also like you to know just how much I enjoyed this tag. The distilling of expression is something I often forget about and sometimes outright fail to do. And lose so much meaning in the bargain. Much like writing a haiku, I believe this was. I know I am going to work on some stories and haikus later. But till then, I shall hope that I have done a decent job with this one.
And yes, this tag goes out to:
- Ubermensch
- Finnegan
- Peppered Soul on Ice
- Lakesidey
- Sprechen
- English, August
- Manan (who does not have a blog)
33 comments:
why did Lizzie leave?
Mine is up! Have a look.
I likey - as with the prev one, I find those untold, hidden layers in this one fascinating. Am also fascinated at how people spin such different stories in a mere 55 words! This was defi the best one to go around!
why are the words restricted to a count of 55?
Lovely.
Especially:
"Lizzie gathered up the baggage and one potted plant that were the last five years. Life must now be elsewhere."
great story, amazin!:)
check out my cat call:)
Ubermensch
May sound stupid but are Charlie and Charlotte the same person? So these two people are lesbian? Comments on the rest once I am sure what I am talking about...
Very neat... I liked the second para too. And of course the twist at the end. Am also quite impressed with the fact that you actually managed to express yourself in 55 words!
Good work! Am waiting for the next post. I hope you intend to post before the next weekend.
@Conman: Why Lizzie leaves is both the mystery and the one great failing of this piece! I couldn't weave a reason into merely 55 words and I also thought it would be more interesting if the reader got his/her own meanings from the piece. Don't you agree? :)
@ .:A:. : I did have a look and loved it! What did you think of this?
@Geetanjali: You are too kind but am very glad, all the same, that you liked it. :). Thanks for tagging me!
@The Wise Dreamer: Not my rules! I just followed the leader. :). Thanks for dropping by. Do come again.
@Words Worth: Glad you thought so... all your fault I wrote it to begin with! Where's the tag you owe me? :P
@Pheonix: Thanks! Thanks for dropping by and I hope to see you around. :)
@Ubermensch: I did and thanks so for giving them a beginning! What did you think of the end?
@Anon: Not stupid really, but yes, they are the same person and yes, this is a lesbian love story. I look forward to hearing more. One request - leave initials, won't you? :)
@GD: Garry, you're just nasty! Are you suggesting that I am incapable of brevity!? But am glad, indispensable critic, that you liked it. :)
i told .:a:. that it would be interesting to write a 55-word story. and it doesn't have to start from a tag. this was quite good, i must say. thanks for leaving a mark back at my space.
That person was raised in your mind, when you tried writing your name with the other hand? Hmmm...
The nod to kundera I like. I've got something else to say though, and this may sound like nitpicking, but you've consciously given the story the "twist-in-the-tale" structure (I think most of the fifty-five worders have been like that), and the twist here is they are a sapphic couple, thereby implying that to be lesbian is out of the norm? Why? Please don't misunderstand, it is your story and I've no right to call to question the impulse behind it, but it does look as though it conforms to the kind of thinking that looks upon non-heterosexual love as anomalous. That one point apart, I am utterly smitten by the poignance of your words. Good work.
@Transience: Thanks for your kind words and for dropping by. I look forward to seeing you here again. :)
@The Wise Dreamer: :)
@Kaashyapeya: Firstly, I appreciate the feedback. And I hope you don't misunderstand but I did not consciously give it a twist in the tale - I needed to tag someone else and hence had to post asap because he had no time after this weekend past. All I had was an hour or so so that I could give him time to write his own 55 worder. I sat down to write and this just flowed.
And no, I was not implying (or even meant to imply) that non-heterosexual love is anomalous or queer, as it were. I was simply telling the tale of two people in love parting - nothing more or less - even though both don't want to. They snuck up on me and turned out to be a saphhic couple. There is no homophobia of any sort in what I wrote... or at least so I think.
This may sound terribly cliched but characters in my writing (esp the sort that I myself like) usually just do their own thing. I hope you see my point. :)
Thanks very much for your kind words about my writing. :). I look forward to your feeback again.
I like this!
Have given it another go.
ah an issue out of non-heterosexual meme ..very interesting indeed:)
I liked it but frankly the usage Charlotte is what makes and breaks teh write.But what do I know? I'll leave it for the immortals.
BTW edited another story waiting in the signals, cjheck* sometime.
*j silent
Uber
Gr8 story I think u should go ahead work more on it ... mean I am curious why Lizzie left?
In the chorus of "why she left", I'd like to know "how they got together"... it seems that a more touching tale lies there... endings, inevitable or otherwise, are rarely as interesting as beginnings...
First of all... I'd want to apologise for misbehaving on your blog couple of times previously. Its a flaw, i get agitated very easily. It's the lack of weed in this desert country i guess.
Anyway... i don't know if I agree with you there now. Most people say the beauty of fiction lies in the unsaid. It could be true, but doesn't really work for me.
I like your story, but really, I think its an art to start and finish a story in 55-words.
You couldn't possibly do this to me :o i am so nonfikshan, i cant spell fikshan right.
No....you can't do this to moi :( I need to have a good deal of time to do justice to this....
I will write, I promise, but it will take time. Remind me gently now and then (at least that way I'll have the pleasure of a mail or two from you;)
@ .:A:. : Yes, I did check it out... and it is lovely! Am glad you liked this one. :)
@ Ubermensch: I am not sure I understood what you meant by the usage of Charlotte makes and the writing but I am glad you liked it. :)
@Finnegan: I did check it out and loved it! And as for the tag, anytime!
@Viewer: Thanks! Am toying with the idea... lets see where I go with it.
@Manan: Beginnings are difficult, brother mine. They require a courage that not all of us have. Will nevertheless attempt one.
@Conman: I agree completely - it is an art to start and finish in 55 words. Am trying to work on cultivating the art. Glad you liked it. :)
@Sprechen: You made me choose and list out favourite books - buhahahahaha! But all jokes apart, you'll do great. I checked out the first attempt at fiction so I know what I am talking about! :)
@Lakesidey: I know I can't, old friend, but you'll forgive me this time I hope. And I remember a certain love letter writing event a very long time ago... you'll do enough and more justice, I know. :)
A very good display of sentiments in just 55 words. :-)
whenever i read ur blog, i feel lost..as in do u and .:a:. and all u ppl have a monopoly to turn ppl speechles wih bful writing!
Jeez, don't go reminding me of them embarrassing events;) The thingas I did for mercenary glory....(Though I've done worse since;)
~lakesidey
Heyy.. really liked your story :)
NEW POST ?
@Incognito: Thanks!
@Phoenix: Thanks so much for your kind words. :)
@lakesidey: Your eventful past in Kscope is inescapable! :)
@Comment deleted: I saw the comment before you thought it was redundant! :P! Am working on a new story... will post soon.
@Casablanca: Thanks! And thanks for dropping - do come back. :)
@Viewer: Yes, yes working on it. Am wrapping up some other nonsense and getting right to work. :)
nice twist!
i wrote mine today too...
New post please!!!
@Brood Mode: Thanks! Am running over to check yours out right now.
@The Cowlick: Right you are, Ma'am. Have made the change.
@GD: Yes, yes stop your bellyaching! Though I must this was very polite... :P. Check the new one.
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